The Realities of Transitioning Into Van Life

From the mental game of living in a van to the dirty art of comparisons, let’s break it down.

#VanLife has been the bane of my existence these past six months. Preparation, research, purchases, and building barely prepares you for what’s to come. This post is not to sound pessimistic or to steer you away from this lifestyle. Knowing what I know now, I wish someone would’ve told me to slow down and not jump in head first. You don’t need all the new things and expensive gear to make this sustainable and enjoyable. As someone that wants to live out their wildest dreams, I’m on a wild year long adventure around the United States. I truly believe that you can travel long term in a mindful and frugal way, but sometimes, you get stuck comparing yourself to others. Especially in the age of social media where #VanLife has an almost cult-like following. The art of comparing yourself to these $100,000 converted vans driving around, enjoying the views and everyday living on the road, created a mentally unattainable atmosphere for me. An artist living on a budget in a van that still needs quite a bit of work: that is my reality. Fuel costs, food, places to park (and sleep safely), and clean water are all necessities in #VanLife. But, the biggest price you could pay is on your own mental health. Working on that is the biggest necessity of them all. I wish I would’ve known how hard transitioning into this lifestyle would be for me mentally. As I’m learning, this life is not for the faint of heart.

Let’s start here. Mentally, everyday is different. One moment you are feeling low and in the next second, you are over the moon. Loneliness and a sincere lack of contentment are feelings that are extremely difficult for my mind to absorb. Moving through those feelings and not stewing in them, that’s been my personal challenge I have had to understand and undertake. The art of comparisons can make you feel invalid which cause a spiral of shame that is discouraging. As someone that has always craved consistency, the transitional phases of living in a van were very hard for me. They’re still hard for me.

A good example. Everything started to break and fall apart. And I mean on day one. From the back tires falling off on the first night in New Jersey, to needing two new tires in New York (because of New Jersey), then the auxiliary outlets in the van wanted to stop working, meaning, we couldn’t charge our phones-which are also our maps and basic lifelines here on the road, to being in the-middle-of-nowhere Maine and the battery that is supposed to power, well, everything, wouldn’t charge. I told you, everything was falling apart. But then, in the stillness of it all, I witnessed a moose bathe in a lake. The duality of life is poetic. Beautiful moments like that can ground you. They’re the universes reminders that everything really is okay. All these problems and feelings that feel big in the moment will pass and beautiful moments-like seeing that silly moose, has a way of cancelling out the nonsense.

More often than not, we can feel so stuck in a negative mindset. Giving ourselves excuses on why we can be self loathing, angry, miserable humans, even while we are living out our dreams. I don’t want to live that way and living in a 16x6 van is reminding me of that. It can get all too easy to be depressed in such a compact space. You can allow yourself to stew in comparison, anger, or jealousy since you have so much time to think and such a small space to think in. In those moments, you have a choice: to think and act positively or negatively. You have to choose to think positively, especially if you are someone like me that battles their depression everyday. Like I said, you can be in the middle of living out your wildest dreams and still feel depressed and depleted. Everyday, I have to choose happiness. I have to choose to look on the sunny-side of life. I have to let go of what’s “going wrong” and focus on everything that is going right. And if you cannot do that, #VanLife is not for you. If you cannot be comfortable in your own discomfort, or have the willingness to evolve, maybe rethink transitioning into this lifestyle, especially long term.

To implore you, I have to not be a hypocrite. Telling you to live out your dreams, live a happy life, and let go of the negative is much easier said than actually done. I want to do it though-I want to continue to choose happiness. Some moments are easier than others, and that’s okay. When everything is breaking around you, remember to look for those silly moose moments. See those glimmers of hope and light in life and hold onto them dearly. Write down your days and feelings. Create art out of it. Make the negative into something more for yourself-into something beautiful. Start with catching yourself in the act of being your own bully or when you are comparing yourself to others. Turn it around. And know, more moose moments are out there.